It turns out I am substantially right-brained. My being
an artist you wouldn’t be blamed for imagining that I might be slightly thrown
in discovering that I am not so much inclined toward creativity. But I have known
for a long time that I do not have a good imagination.
Little things like the large amount of time it takes me
to compose a witty text message - or any text for that matter - are good hints
of this deficit. I have to really concentrate in order to fabricate anything;
am I trying to be someone else? Should I have to strain to come up with a reply
to a post on Facebook?
Or is it my illness that prevents me from processing
things because I have fled my head as a way of dealing with (by which I mean
avoiding) the distress of being in there?
I don’t know.
Should you embrace who you are? I realise that – for one
reason or another – I am not very creative. I need to write things down in order
to process them properly which, as you can imagine, isn’t very convenient for
me; but it is simply how it must be at the moment.
I enjoy making art; I want to jog people out of the
stupor of their everyday lives and help them see beyond their horizons. This is
probably a very naïve way of looking at things but it is the way that they
appear to me.
I see people who don’t have the mental capacity or even
the natural inclination to realise that they have been blinkered. It saddens me
but I do not blame them. It has crossed my mind that I may be able to observe
things from a different vantage because my antipsychotic medication numbs my
feeling and makes me more cold and logical; in which case were I not being medicated
I would probably be as short-sighted as them!
That isn’t a bad thing but it is in a way. It seems to me
that there is so much that is wrong with our world that could be solved if
people were to simply wake up.
Or perhaps it is me who needs to wake up. What if we can’t
run the world on renewable, clean energy? What if the government isn’t
corrupted by the oil companies? Is it true that world hunger really cannot be
solved? Is it a lie that advanced technology is being held back so that more money
can be made? Do we even need money? Is the prescription of medication not just another
money-making scheme?
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