Man code

When as a small boy you like a girl why are you extra mean to her? Is it because you are so scared of being seen as soft by your mates that you are extra cruel in order to stop them from guessing that you like her; and by doing so adhere to the existing stereotype so that you fit in more?

Does this continue into adulthood in the form of man code?

With man code you can't appear soft; when your friend gets married you have to say "your life is over now mate", because that's code for "I'm absolutely thrilled for you!"

The existing male stereotype gives men an image of only being interested in one thing. But are they? Or is it all just a show to hide the fact that they really are soft?

It's understandable that people want to fit in and a big part of that is identifying with your gender. If being a man is being a certain way then it's only natural that males growing up would want to fit in - just like the boy who bullies the girl that he likes.

I'm not saying men are sitting down and thinking this - I imagine it would be a subconscious thing that a bloke wouldn't think twice about. He probably makes the mistake of believing that he, as a man, is that way full stop. Why would you question otherwise? 

Be yourself

When I was growing up I was always encouraged at home or at school to “be yourself”. I got a bit muddled somewhere along the way though; I’d watch films and instead of recognising characteristics that were already part of me, I found myself thinking “I want to be like that and I will be!”

That just plain isn’t healthy, so now I’m beginning to embrace who I am.

My dad was eager for me not to succumb to my diagnosis. He would always talk of how the service mollycoddles me. How they are being extra cautious and I that mustn’t allow myself to take on their cotton-wooling approach.

But I’m beginning to think that they’ve got a point.

I now see that am ill adjusted to the world around me; I don’t seem to fit in to the traditional niche. This is annoying because I would like to get a job to support and raise my family. It is now obvious that I must find a different way of achieving this goal.

I am an animal that hasn’t adapted to its environment.

Then there’s medication; I know that has changed who I am. I would like to lower my dose but I am worried that I’ll change for the worst if I do so. I feel quite numb at the moment so it would be great to experience a wider range of emotions. But this could come at a price which I don’t know if I’m willing to pay.

So I will be myself and learn to know what I think and develop confidence in my own opinions. I will embrace my limitations and make use of what help is out there for me. I will not measure myself by the rule of others.