Man code

When as a small boy you like a girl why are you extra mean to her? Is it because you are so scared of being seen as soft by your mates that you are extra cruel in order to stop them from guessing that you like her; and by doing so adhere to the existing stereotype so that you fit in more?

Does this continue into adulthood in the form of man code?

With man code you can't appear soft; when your friend gets married you have to say "your life is over now mate", because that's code for "I'm absolutely thrilled for you!"

The existing male stereotype gives men an image of only being interested in one thing. But are they? Or is it all just a show to hide the fact that they really are soft?

It's understandable that people want to fit in and a big part of that is identifying with your gender. If being a man is being a certain way then it's only natural that males growing up would want to fit in - just like the boy who bullies the girl that he likes.

I'm not saying men are sitting down and thinking this - I imagine it would be a subconscious thing that a bloke wouldn't think twice about. He probably makes the mistake of believing that he, as a man, is that way full stop. Why would you question otherwise? 

The weight of the world

Why take the weight of the world on your shoulders and spend every second possible (and a few impossible ones) trying to strain every drop of practicality out that you can?

You can’t be beyond what is human so go with the flow - what's the rush? You are just missing out on the here and now by stressing over insurmountable things. You'll be gone before too long so enjoy it whilst you can!

But does the knowledge that horrible things are happening right now all across the world while you buy expensive cars not linger at the back of your mind; gradually but constantly niggling away at you like a parasite? 

Irony

Being unable to work I have a lot of free time. However I’m not the kind of person who will sit down playing Xbox all day - although when it comes to a tossup between reading a book and going for a run I choose the book every time!

It feels like a waste of time if I am not putting my mind to something useful in the effort to recover from my mental troubles. But the ironic thing is that getting regular exercise can actually aid this process.

So in order to improve your mind you need to focus on your body, which is something I initially thought of as being quite narcissistic, and still do when people seem only to care about their physical appearance; but what if it is in our nature to do so? 

I found mine!

There can be times where you have so many things going on that you are unable to hold onto them all at once. It’s at times like these that I wish I could just ‘switch off’.

The funny thing is it is surprisingly easy to do so.

I’ve been practicing Mindfulness meditation for two years now and use when the above kind of scenario arises.

I sit in a chair and take time to just stand back, allowing myself to become transparent and to observe all of these thoughts, stresses and worries as they flow through me.

CTRL

It's weird to think that this world will go on after I die. There'll be a world without me as a part of it - I mean there was one for billions of years but for me it began 27 years ago and it'll end for me when I eventually die.

I don’t care that I didn’t exist for so long but I don’t like knowing I won’t be a part of the future. Why does the future seem different to the past though? I feel like I’ll be missing out on everything that proceeds my death – as though I could have continued but wasn't allowed!

Because of the time that I have existed, the ripples from my splash will continue to spread out; like if I have children then they could have children and so on. My DNA will probably perpetuate so in a way I will carry on.

Is that where art comes in? In making these visual tokens does the part of you that I would call the consciousness continue? 

In effect doesn't creating art ensure that the part of you that isn't passed on as DNA continues?

Only a dream

You see an idea with your mind’s eye and you can't help but to want to create it. Dreams are the result of the neurones in your brain randomly firing, but aren’t ideas similar?

You could say that ideas are more substantial because when you talk about them to someone else, the idea can go into and stimulate the brain of that person in a way that doesn't normally happen when a dream is merely described.

There's magic in making those electrical signals into something physical that is outside of your body though because doing so enables other people to see and interact with them.

No one likes hearing about other people's dreams because they have only happened in the mind of the individual, but it’s different with a painting of a dream.

Either way I think that paintings of dreams are good because there is no need to look any deeper into them - they can just be enjoyed for what they are in a way that ideas cannot be. 

Showing teeth

Normally when I smile at someone I am doing it for two reasons; because I want the other person to feel valued and because that is what I have logically worked out that you do in certain situations.

There may be an element of emotion but it is buried so deeply that I barely know it's there.
Is this natural?

(It's possible that I'm hypersensitive to the process of getting in touch with my emotions because I'm learning to develop them as an adult instead of as a child; so the reason they feel unnatural is because they are, I suppose)