Scrap all religion?

My nanny (grandmother, not child carer) believes in the christian god. She lost her sister when she was young and so clings to the hope that they'll be reunited in heaven.

I don't believe in her god - I am atheist about all gods including hers. We have discussions, during which I am constantly aware of her reason for worship and belief (although admittedly some days I may be in a funny mood and not have the patience for such considerations).

I take the view that if it makes her happy then what's the problem? Also by the time that she does die it won't matter what she believed during her life because she'll be no more and none the wiser. 

But there are people out there who do cause suffering to others because of their beliefs. For the sake of the harmers does this mean that all religion should be scrapped? How can you permit some people to believe but deny it to others, when belief is the same across the board?

Why I can’t work

Imagine trying to deal with having images and voices forcing their way into your head urging you to hurt or sexually assaulting others. On a good day you have more energy so they’re easier to manage; but the days are unpredictable. Things like every day ambient stress can throw you completely and there’s often no way to predict when you’re going to crash.

When thoughts such as these intrude, it’s bound to be a stressful experience being around unfamiliar people in unfamiliar situations. It takes a lot of time and patience to get comfortable: for example it’s taken me over five years to feel comfortable going to a karate club and still now I can’t always go depending on how I’m doing that week.

Some days you are unable to cope with being conscious because of the constant barrage of disturbing voices and images invading your mind; and a part time job doesn’t exist where you are able to take a week or two off because you are in this kind of state when your shift comes round.

I used to experience terrible anxiety and panic attacks when I would try to work - and that was only voluntary work for a couple of hours a week. Now my body seems to have developed a self defence mechanism whereby my thinking shuts down before I’m even able to progress to the anxiety stage.

It’s not a conscious decision by any means; it’s as though my body knows that I am going to be faced with these intrusive thoughts and so literally stops me thinking in order to prevent me from doing something that will mean encountering them.

After all who likes to have thoughts of raping or hurting other people in their head?

A drive to gamble

It's understandable if you don't want to admit that choice is an illusion. But if every choice you make is the result of the entire history that has led up to it so that you couldn't make it any other way, then wouldn't that start to feel a bit claustrophobic?

Could something like gambling be a fresh release from that confinement? It's practically unpredictable at the end of the day so could it appeal to people who yearn for chance? 

Are you beautiful?

I heard that voluptuousness used to be a sign of beauty because it was associated with wealth. Now skinniness has widely taken it's place, so is that related to wealth too? 

Do people aspire to emulate things about movie stars and models because they are rich; as though if you were to be slim/well built like them, then you would appear to be wealthy and be more attractive to potential mates? 

Choice - don't blame the murderer

First you have to realise that the brain is part if the body and that the bit that you call 'you' is not something that is driving your body - or that your body is a vessel for.

Every choice that you make is the final result of the entire history that has led up to it. If one thing in that history was different then the eventual choice would change.

This is because different experiences stimulate different brain developments and it is the brain structure and chemistry which culminate in the choices you make.

If I wanted to move my hand suddenly and unpredictably it wouldn't be unpredictable at all because I am doing so as a result of the situation leading up to it. 

If I were to choose not to move my hand in order to show I could make a different choice then that decision too is also the result of the situation that has evolved further. 

Take this further and it becomes clear that the people who commit crimes are not doing so out of choice. The fact that they do so is a result of the situation they are in so they can't be blamed for their actions. 

(They can of course be punished to dissuade them from doing so again).

Appeal (a world full of cool idiots?)

As an artist what is the point of what you are doing? Who do you care about appealing to or communicating with through your work? Is it people in general or just other likeminded individuals?

If you want to change the quality of people’s lives for the better, do you feel that your art does so? Or is it seen as too highbrow by the majority; who themselves live in ignorance because they were never afforded the opportunity to do anything but?

You can try and create works that appeal, but will they even inspire, insight and invigorate the people who actually get to look at them? Or will they just be weird or pretty or superficially interesting?

Are people too stuck in the bad habit of living small lives in a big world (through no fault of their own) that you are pursuing a lost cause?

The human mould

Has it ever been so difficult being inside your own head that you spend every second trying to get out of it?

I latched on to learning Japanese as an outward focus and it enabled me to avoid thinking and in doing so get out of my own head.

As I recovered following the psychotic episode I began to find my way back inside and those fifteen or so years of development I had missed out on suddenly happened in a flash.

Recently I noticed that the things that at one point were fresh and exciting had now been filed away to the back of my mind and I was beginning to lose touch with that way of looking at our world.

Fitting into the human mould is what happens to everyone. You lose sight of what is important because you are so focused on getting on with the world that your brain can cope with that the eyes you used as a child growing into an adult get shorter and shorter sighted until you can no longer see beyond the end of your own nose.