GOAL!!!!!!! (Do you care about winning?)

Red v Blue

I used to get very upset when the football team I played in or even the one I supported lost a game, the cup, etc. Losing would distress me so much that I’d end up angry and in tears.

Now I no longer get worked up about things like losing a football game but, as with everything, I recently started to question why this is.

One explanation could be that the antipsychotic medication has numbed my emotions to the point that I am physically incapable of caring.

But what if it’s simply that I’ve managed to alter my thought processes?

Have I matured to the point that winning no longer has the some importance in my life?

What if the desire to win (that, when not achieved, can leave a grown man in tears) isn’t a natural impulse? What if our culture has developed in a way that shapes our brain so that it wants to win, when what is truly natural for us is more the opposite?

I saw this army slogan recently and it seemed to be very appropriate to this idea of winning so I've included a link to the British Army Blog.

http://britisharmy.wordpress.com/

It's a loose connection but this TED talk rekindled it for me so here's the link:

http://www.ted.com/talks/dan_gilbert_asks_why_are_we_happy.html 

A psychotic theory

What if the intrusive thoughts and imagery are the things that I am trying to avoid (without even realising I'm doing so)? It's recently started to happen that I physically stiffen up and am unable to walk to places. However the reason for this hasn't been clear to me so far.

Traditionally I've either made it to wherever I'm going and experienced intense anxiety and panic whilst there or more often I've succumbed to them on the way. In the case of volunteering at the charity shop, I was ok for a good few weeks before I experienced resistance of a level I was unable to surmount. Then, after I failed to go in that once, I didn't feel I could face the manager again (even though thinking about it now she'd probably be really understanding!) 

It's true that I find the intrusions distressing so it would hardly be surprising that I'd want to avoid them - even if it's on a subconscious level. Now I wonder if the anxiety (to begin with) and the stiffening up (more recently) are in fact simply my body trying to make me avoid going into situations where there is an uncomfortable threat of intrusions.

In the past I haven't been able to single out any thoughts that could have caused the anxiety. I had images in my head of being in the situation but never knew why they were so distressing. What if somewhere inside I was worried that it would be distressing to experience intrusive thinking around people?