I am in still recovery after being diagnosed with
paranoid schizophrenia nearly a decade ago. As of yet I have been unable to
hold down a job – though not through lack of trying. I hate having to rely on
benefits but I have no choice except to do so at the moment.
I don’t deal very well with stress because, as a
mechanism for coping, I have shut myself out of my head so that I can only
process things by talking to others or sitting down and writing them out.
Couple this with the emotional and thought numbing effect of the anti-psychotic
medication and you can see my problem.
At the moment stress comes in many forms but the funny
thing is that it affects me without it consciously playing on my mind. By this
I mean I find myself getting so worn out that it feels as though I’ve crashed
into a brick wall but I have no idea why.
When I get into this state I have no energy left to deal
with the barrage of intrusive images and thoughts that accost me, telling me
(amongst other things) to harm or even kill myself.
Having to be extra cautious not to get into such a state
means I am severely limiting what I do day to day. I want to be capable of
doing a job now but the reality is my recovery is what’s most important at the
moment.
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