They told me that all I needed to do was get there. Once I'd done that I would see that it wasn't so bad and I'd be ok; the anxiety and panic attacks would go.
But what if the thing causing me to react as such couldn't be beaten this way?
What if being around other people is such a struggle because of the extreme paranoia that they are against you; a paranoia that, if denied by anyone, would only worsen the suspicion you feel?
That's the problem with learnt behaviour. For so long that was my whole world. I'd live every moment with that in my mind. Sometimes it's be at the front and sometimes more towards the back.
It's taken years of care but I've now learnt different behaviour and the paranoia has dwindled significantly. For me it wasn't about a big exposure but lots of little ones instead; building confidence day by day.
I still get uncomfortable but then I'm still learning.
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