So straight to the
point: why do you want to make a difference in the world?
“Firstly, I lack a wide emotional range (probably due to a
combination of the psychosis and antipsychotic medication) and the little feeling
I do have I tend to supress because it is just too painful to engage with; so I
guess because of that I see the world in a less human way.
“I don’t succumb to emotion or feel great empathy when I
see suffering; instead what drives me is logic.
“It makes sense to help each other out because if there are enough resources available and if technology
is as advanced as it’s supposed to be,
then why is everything so biasedly distributed, and why are the majority of
people suffering when their suffering could be avoided?
“I don’t care about the vast majority of people on the
planet, but I recognise that they are suffering needlessly and that doesn’t
make sense to me.
“Everyone should have the same chance to live and I want
to help people realise this.”
Hold on, so you
don’t care about the vast majority of people?
“That’s right – although saying that I do have some
feeling; but it’s kept firmly on a very short leash for most of the time; I am
gradually becoming more able to engage with it but only very slowly.
“At the moment I feel somewhat disassociated from my
emotions; I do things because that is the way I have worked out (from observing
others) that they should be done, instead of how I would personally do them. I don’t
actually know how I would do things; I don’t seem to have developed that
ability yet.
 |
| still life |
“I sometimes wonder if I am now going through the kind of
emotional development that generally happens during a child’s development, but
which I’m having to go through it in an unnatural way because I am now in my
late twenties and am only just getting started.
“So yes, I’m not really able to care in the emotional sense.
However from such a standpoint it is hard to agree with people who seem so
focused on their own gratuity; but maybe the way that they are is just the natural
way to be.”
Interviewer: The voice in my head
Date: 11/02/2014
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